run, run, run

For the longest time, I was tiny. Like, 5'0 and 80 lbs tiny. And then we moved and I was bullied, and had zero friends... and joined color guard (dancing with wooden rifles and flags). So I had to work out A LOT. I steadily gained weight, with the help of stress eating and the constant work outs. I wasn't necessarily healthy, but I was getting better.

I continued to steadily gain weight every year. In high school, I was honestly pretty small still, but at the time I thought I was too fat. Then came college, where I continued to gain weight, and finally, I left college, went to a mental health facility, and gained A TON OF WEIGHT (right before my wedding...).

And then I started to run.

Running and I had a huge love hate relationship. I loved the tiny marks of weight loss that I could see, but I hated leaving my house and actually going running. I loved how I felt less hungry and wasn't interested in junk food, but I hated the time 'wasted' while running.

I loved how I was feeling. I felt good. I felt full of energy. I ran two half marathons (though the second one wasn't quite as good), I did things I couldn't even believe..

And then I hurt my feet.
Badly.

For the past two-three months it's been a lot of back and forth. Lots of 'second' opinions later and we're still not sure what's going on with my feet. It seems that lots of bones are moving where they shouldn't be..

The funny thing is, while running, I wasn't getting injured as much as I did BEFORE I started running. My hips weren't hurting, my ankles were fine, I felt good. And then as soon as I stopped, everything started hurting again. Shocks of pain hit my entire body like a ton of bricks, and it's incredibly painful. I stand on my tippy toes, and my feet kill me for the rest of the day. My hamstring pain is back, an unexplainable pain that often stopped me from doing things. And it sucks. But I'm doing physical therapy, hoping to get back to running very soon.

Well, this week I got some really upsetting news.

I was talking to my physical therapist, and I said "I really want to be able to run a full marathon next year," and then seconds later I said "ouch, my hip hurts!"

Next thing I know he's saying that I can't run marathons, or even half marathons. My body isn't made for running, and for long term health I should consider not running anymore.

If I really want to 'compete' still, I could do triathlons though..

WHAT.
When has me not being able to run ever been on the table? When has that been brought up or discussed by my actual doctors? The only person to tell me to stop running was my physical therapist.

And then I say "well, I don't know how to swim and I'm not a huge fan of biking. I like running."
"Why do you like to run when it's killing your body?"
I looked at him, not sure how to explain.
"It's because of the 'high' isn't it? You love how it makes you feel?"
"Well, yeah but-"
"That high is going to end in you getting a knee replacement or a hip replacement. You can't do this anymore."

At first I was kind of in shock. And then I tried explaining, and then I was in shock again.

It's not like I absolutely LOVE running, but after my half marathons I felt good. Proud. Because my horribly pained body that stinks at any kind of sport actually accomplished something. I ran for 13.1 STRAIGHT MILES UP AND DOWNHILL. HOW IS THAT NOT AMAZING?!

But according to my PT, it's not amazing. It's bad.

And he's an olympic sports trainer.

I DID IT

I DID IT. I RAN THE NIKE WOMEN'S HALF MARATHON IN SF.

Okay, I'm a little overexcited... But I have to explain why.

I am not an endurance runner. I can sprint like nobody's business, but I can't run over long periods of time. When I signed up for this half marathon, I 'forgot' this fact. But this had been on my bucket list ever since I had found out it was in San Francisco, and that they gave you a Tiffany's necklace at the end. Heck yes, sign me up.

We made it in to San Francisco the Wednesday before the race (which was on a Sunday). I was a bundle of anxiety, but we still had loads of fun running around the city. I had signed up for a training session with Nike, and I didn't end up going. I should have, along with a short run they did Saturday morning, but it was fine.

Finally, Sunday morning came, bright and early. We were planning to be at the start line around 5:30, with the race starting at 6:30. Matt dropped me off a block or so away since we couldn't drive any closer. It was chilly, which wasn't surprising for an early morning in San Francisco. I found my sister and friend, we hung out, stretched a little, and then got ready for the beginning of the race.

We didn't even get near the start line until 7:10, and didn't start running until 7:20.

That would be all fine and dandy if we didn't have a time limit of three hours, and the gun had gone off an hour before, but that's what happens when you have over 20,000 runners.

We began to run.

I haven't actually been running since my last half marathon a month ago, and even before that my furthest run was six miles. I really stink at training. Even though I was anxious beyond belief, I knew I could do it within three hours... hopefully.

The run itself was really beautiful. We also had so many people cheering on the sidelines, from gospel choir groups, which particularly beautiful, to high school marching bands and cheerleading squads. It all amounted to lots of motivation, and lots of stopping for photos. I can honestly say that this did help a lot during the run.

I openly admit that I walked a lot of it, mostly the hills. I knew from my last half marathon that around mile eight I crashed really, really hard and didn't want to finish (and that was with a six hour time limit), so this time I made sure to do it right. I went easy the first few miles, a little harder in the middle, and then pushed myself the last three.

Well, sort of.

I did the first two alright, and even though I didn't crash at mile eight, I still pulled back a little. There was a huge hill coming up, and I knew I wouldn't be able to run up it. The views were impossibly gorgeous but I couldn't concentrate on them. All I could think about was eating and drinking enough, and making it up that damn hill. 

Motivational posters were scattered through out the race, but there was a significant increase of them on the hill. Hilarious, inspiring, or just sweet, it did help. 

But at the top of the hill was the best motivational poster ever. My husband. 

Cheesy, I know. 

We hugged, kissed, and then he said that I was almost done, so keep moving! I ran off with a new surge of energy, but quickly lost it when I realized I still had three miles to go, and my feet were hurting pretty badly. I could feel a panic attack coming on, and I'm pretty sure this is the first time in my entire life I was able to push it away (I have no idea how I managed to do that...)

I started doing sprints followed by walking, because that didn't hurt quite as much as just running (different muscles being used in different ways and all that). It was working! I pushed harder, and with .2 miles (or even .1) I saw my sister on the sidelines with my nephew, our friend's husband, and their daughter. I ran over, kissed my nephew, and gave my sister a hug. I told her that I was done. I was too tired, and she said "I know. But you're doing great. Keep going." and I'm pretty sure that's what pushed me to finish.

As I crossed the finish line, my panic attack made a hard and fast comeback. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I just followed the lines of people away from the finish line. I even forgot about my Tiffany's necklace until they handed me that little blue box.

Finally, I found Matt. I could relax. We got out of the crowds, and I texted my mum and sister who had been cheering me on via phone the entire run.

(And they had firemen in tuxes for the runners to take photos with!)

Finally, after the run, we went to the beach and soaked in the freezing cold ocean water.

Overall, the race was fun. I felt a lot better than my last half marathon (which is shocking since that one was all down hill, and this one was a lot of uphill!), although I did worse.

My other half I ran in 2:30, this one I ran in 3:00 (exactly three hours, go me!). I was a little disappointed that I added on half an hour, but I think the huge thing is that I actually finished!
I was also disappointed in the necklace itself. Very dinky. :( But it's fine.

Would I do this one again?
Possibly. If my oldest sister decided she wanted to do it, I would definitely run it with her. Otherwise, no.

Would I run the other half I did a month ago again?
Yes.
Without a doubt.
But that's a post for another day. ;)

Here's the thing about running; if you are in front of me, good for you. If you're behind me, good for you, because at least you're off the couch, out of the house, doing something. At least you're working towards a goal, whether it's losing weight or just having fun, you're working towards a better you.

A year ago I wouldn't have imagined that I would run two half marathons this year... maybe I'll have to cross a full off of my bucket list next year!

So this is my story of the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Francisco. It was fun, exciting, challenging, and a huge pain in the butt, but I did it. I did it with my sister and our friend, and it was amazing.

Update on Training

Training is not very fun. It's tough and pulls me in all different directions and a good chunk of the time I just want to give up.

But then I get home after a good run, or even a not so good run, and I want to do it again.

Today was a not so good run, in which I felt beaten down by the multiple runners who continued to pass me. I also hurt my knee while stretching just before running, and somewhere along the run my hip sort of gave out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm an old lady in a twenty year old body.

Running really does give me a sense of achievement though. After a run, no matter how short, I'm happy that I got out the door. Too many of my days have been spent laying around, and I really do want to change that. This blog was meant to catalogue my yoga practice as well as my cooking practice. I want to be better at both, and yet I still haven't done anything about it. Sure, I occasionally do yoga, but it's not a dedicated practice like it used to be.

What I have done, though, is still something good. I've begun drawing again. Recently, I spent the entire day at the kitchen table drawing and painting (while watching Gilmore Girls). I've also been taking whatever days I can at work. My runs are going farther (even though I'm still walking for some chunk of it), my husband says that my legs look 'less like cottage cheese' (he's saying that in the nicest way possible, I promise), and I am feeling better. I'm still sleeping way too much but that could just be a side effect of my pills... or I'm not drinking enough water.

So I'm going to start a new challenge just for me. I'm making a commitment to a better Tressie.

• 8 glasses of water a day (or 64 oz)
• Yoga 3x a week
• Draw something new at least once a week
• Run at least 3x a week
• Read a book every 2 weeks
• Write on blog once a week

That's what I'm thinking for now. :) Let's see if I can do it!

Half Marathon: The 'Official' Training Has Begun

I've been running for five weeks now with one of my friends, but this week marks our first week of actual training. It's been a bit crazy because my friend started a new job this week, so we've had to tweak the schedule a bit, but tonight my husband and I went running. Personally, I didn't do too well. I was having a difficult time breathing and I felt horrendously sick, but I ran my fastest documented mile (12.46) with a majority of that actually walking. I have fifteen weeks and two days until the race (Nike Women's Half in San Francisco). It'll be my first half marathon, and I'm really nervous that I won't be ready, so I've been contemplating doing another half marathon a month prior to dip my feet in, and that half marathon isn't as strict about time as the Nike Women's.

The goal of this blog was to document my yoga and cooking, but I have so far done neither. I have let my yoga slip a lot since coming out of the hospital, and I don't cook anymore. Being in the hospital kind of screwed all my plans, and I'm still working on coming out of that funk. I still have a hard time even leaving the house, but I'm working towards bigger goals now.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get out of my yoga funk, especially now that I'm running every other day. Yoga needs to become an important thing in my life again if I want to become healthy and whole.

Nike Women's Half Marathon-San Francisco

My husband and I were just talking and I mentioned that I didn't want to go to sleep yet because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, so he began to list off things I did do today (really, not a whole lot) but then he said "you signed up for a half marathon! That's a huge milestone!"

And it is.
I forget to give myself credit for a lot of things. I turn things on their heads so quick, I forget to think "yeah, but it's something."

So today, I signed up for a half marathon... while four months ago, I was laying in a hospital bed, trying to stay alive.

October 18th, I will be running in the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Francisco. It will be my first half marathon EVER as well as the first 'race' I've done in somewhere around three years. I'll probably be running the Color Run in August with my husband, but that's just a 5k.

So here it goes.
I paid $180, I have to do this.

day two: meditation

Day two of Yoga Girl's challenge is meditation. She encourages all participants to do yesterday's theme as well as todays (for all 21 days), so I did a mini-flow before going into meditation. I tend to do a variation of this sun salutation. I don't usually do the lunge, but I do the rest. I actually have an injured nerve in my back which makes it hard to stretch my left leg (I know, sounds weird), so a lot of this I have to just change so that I don't injure myself more. Why do I call it a mini-flow? Because I only do it once, and it takes me about five minutes at the most. I tend to just pick poses I like and work on them after I do a mini-flow, usually headstands, handstands, or poses like crow (one of my absolute favourites!)

Also, a mini lesson for you. I have severe anxiety. I've had it since I can remember, but it was officially diagnosed when I was eleven. It's lead to a number of problems but the biggest is the inability to breathe. That's right, my brain and my body don't know how to breathe correctly. Basically, I'm hyperventilating all the time. I take deep breaths which sound like sighs, and it's almost like I hit a brick wall that won't allow me to get any more oxygen. It's awful, and so doing my mini-flow actually allows me to concentrate on my breathing without it being the main thing I'm concentrating on.

The reason I bring this up is because it makes meditation very difficult for me. With meditation, you are literally concentrating on your breathing the entire time. If I concentrate on my breathing, I become too aware, making it even harder to breathe, but this morning I did it anyway. I think I only made it two or three minutes before I was gasping for air, but I did it. 

In case you were wondering, taking photos of yourself is super difficult, especially as I'm incredibly judgmental of my own photos. Oh, and I had just showered, so my hair looked awful, but whatever. 

I think I'm going to try again tomorrow, but with an actual yoga pose. Maybe lotus, or maybe I'll just lay in child's pose. :)

yoga + me

I've been doing yoga on and off for years. I love it, but it's not something I do every single day. I don't know the names of poses, and I usually don't follow any sort of flow, but it's something I do love.

yogagirl on Instagram posted The Yoga Girl challenge. For 21 days you follow certain themes and post the pictures on Instagram, hopefully keeping up the previous day's theme as well. Ultimately, yogagirl will pick a winner to go to Thailand for a yoga retreat (which is actually on my bucket list). But it's more than just a trip to Thailand. This challenge is to push me towards a better lifestyle, one that I've been wanting and kind of working towards, but not really sticking to. I love yoga, and I want to make it part of my every day life, not just my once in a while life.

I decided to do it, and hopefully I'll be able to stick with it, but I also wanted to write about each day's theme as well, and so I took my old blog and am rebooting it, turning it into a fitness (and other stuff) blog. 

This is my headstand, photo taken by my five year old nephew. It's not the greatest photo, but I'm pretty proud of this particular headstand. I held it for almost two minutes, and was actually completely straight, though from this angle it doesn't look all that straight. The light wasn't all that great, but this is probably my favourite photo that came out of my mini-yoga session.

So I decided to move so that the light from the windows was hitting me rather than behind me... but my dog thought that she should join in. She started licking my face, so this is me falling out of my headstand, since she surprised me just a bit. 

And then the doofus wouldn't leave me alone, and insisted that she needed to do some yoga too.

Because Leelou (my dog) joined, my nephew decided that he needed to join too, which is always fun. He's possibly the cutest little yogi on the planet, so I definitely didn't mind. 

But then came the cat. She promptly fell asleep on my yoga mat, so I just chilled next to the couch while my cuties were being cute. 

At this point my nephew decided he was done being a photographer, so I had to improvise on how to take these. Oh, and Leelou kept bothering me. What you don't see is that she was actually asleep at the end of my mat, but she didn't mind the few times my feet hit her, so I just left her alone. 

Overall, taking pictures of myself doing yoga is hard. I was getting frustrated and I sort of forgot the point of me doing yoga. It doesn't help that I'm sore from my workout last night and I didn't get enough sleep, so I'm grouchy any way, but then I remembered why I was doing this. So I calmed down, and did a mini flow that I love. I set my camera to snap a few pictures every few seconds and came out with these. 

While looking at the photos, I can spot a few things I need to work on in my poses, and I actually find it quite helpful, though I doubt I'll ever attempt to take photos of myself doing yoga again.

Now to decide which photo to use for the actual challenge on Instagram...